Things Ain’t Going Real Good Right Now

Today at work was not good.

First of all, I finally received a response from a company official about possible Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) accomodations. I was informed that my diangostic report from 2012 was too old and that any accomodations would have to be based on a new diagnosis.

Second, my trainer was his usual hyper self. I’ve now taken four or five calls from company venders and have mostly done badly. The callers have almost all made requests for enlightenment in subjects which I’ve been the least trained. I did get one call today on a relatively straightforward matter which I handled almost flawlessly and I could see my trainer full of exhuberance on his Web-Ex screen. This was the second call of the day; the first call was problematic and I put the caller on hold. The trainer grew very pushy and made impatient gestures for me to wrap up the call because he had to take a break to guide his six year old twin daughters to the bus stop. Later in the day, something appeared to be wrong with my screen sharing capacity and this made him more loud and fast talking. He kept asking me questions in his lound, aggressive voice involving details about various procedures on the job that I couldn’t remember and trying to give me unhelpful clues to the answer instead of giving me a straight answer. I was experiencing full on sensory overload by the end of the day.

The trainer had to leave an hour and a half early to pick up his daughters from school. As a result, he tried to rush through his oversight of me filling out a ticket to submit a request to void a check. As I rushed through filling out the form I grew confused about where the submit button was. I clicked on an “add feedback” button instead and as the form that appeared would not allow me to type in my work e-mail, I wrote in my personal e-mail for what I thought would be receiving a receipt for the submitted ticket. Instead I soon received a message on my work e-mail informing me that I’d sent an e-mail containing encrypted information to an unknown e-mail. My boss was included in this e-mail alert. Thus I supposed I shall have to explain myself tommorow. As I errenously clicked on the “Add Feedback” button, my trainer asked me in his pestering way if I had clicked “submit.” I said “yes” to get him off my back and because I actually thought the “Add Feedback” button might have been a correct choice. After my trainer left, I went back and resubmitted the ticket in proper fashion, discovering the proper “submit” button.

I really don’t have anyone with whom I can vent. As he is recovering from Valley Fever, my father is frequently too tired to talk on the phone–tonight he texted that he had a “bad headache.” My step-mom has been attending to her visiting sister and brother-in-law and, in any case, probably wouldn’t have anything useful to say. I still remember the time she denounced me brusquely for being “too sensitive.” She has indicated in the past the belief that my trouble at finding a job that dosen’t cause me stress is a considerable stress to her as well. I remember her scoffing at me for lasting only three weeks at a dreadful warehouse job in 2019–although she herself had recently quit a job after a month because she was still in a mental funk as a result of regret she felt because she had chosen to leave a job the previous year–for an employer she has since reunited with, working in a temp position since June 2020.

I have a strong dislike for my step-mother. Most of the decisions I make in my life are based on how she will react. She is a dreadful control freak. She insists on being a dictator in any intimate relationship, particularly with regard to money. I only accepted this call center job to allay her stress about my job prospects. In recent years, it would have been better for my well-being to take on part-time white collar work so as to slowly gain experience instead of being thrown into a situation for which I’m badly prepared (as currently) But she forbade me to accept the part time employment disability employment programs have offered me in the past. I have followed her orders so as to keep her happy or rather keep her from getting too excitable. I get over-sensitized in dealing with loud, overbearing people as she all too often is and easily give in. She has been relatively agreeable to deal with recently: I wouldn’t want to break the news to her of any serious trouble at my current job.


Published by freedautist819

I'm an over-educated, underemployed Autistic (Asperger's Syndrome) trying to find my way in the neurotypical world. I'm using this blog as a sort of diary documenting my struggles. I don't pretend to believe that every interpretation I make about the world is correct or that my reaction to every stimuli is the one which a perfectly rational individual would make. I do however believe that I'm fairly intelligent in many ways; I also believe that the perspective of autistic people too often gets buried in the discussion about our experience. As I'm on the autism spectrum, perhaps I can provide insights as I share my struggle. To donate:

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