Yesterday, my job coach created a short draft of possible accomodations that I should ask for in spite of my employer refusing to consider accomodations for me because I lack a recent neuro-psych evaluation. My diagnosis of Asperger’s Syndrome, along with Non-Verbal Learning Disorder and ADD, occurred in 2012.
This list of possible accomodations included the delay of me acquiring more phone responsibility until I felt more comfortable; 30 minutes before lunch and and also at the end of the workday to organize my notes and other materials; and another opportunity to work on a a set of job-related practice activities that my trainer and I previously went over.
To make a long story short I chickened out of making these requests. I e-mailed a request for the accomodations to the appropriate company official but later sent another message withdrawing the requests. I did ask for more time to organize my notes and the boss gave me the last two hours of the day to do so. During my meeting today with the boss and team lead, I was leery of requesting a limit on my exposure to phone callers. The boss has indicated in the past she would be willing to limit such exposure but only if I demonstrated apallingly bad phone skills. It is much too early for such an assessment to be made.
There is a clear power imbalance between me and my employer. Also, I do so poorly at standing up for myself–in large part because I feel I have no choice but to give in. I got the impression at the meeting today that my boss and team lead thought I might be trying to express certain thoughts but was instead timidly dancing around issues by using vague language. I can’t quit this job–my father and step-mother won’t let me. It is possible that I eventually may be able to master the job’s fundamentals but the neurotypicals who control my life–my father and step-mother–can’t imagine what a dreadful strain it is in trying to succeed at work which requires skills which I’m not wired to perform well (e.g. auditory processing and verbal communication). How can I request accomodations in the areas of verbal communication and auditory processing when those are the two main requirements of the job?
I never thought I’d meet another person as obnoxious as my step-mother but my trainer at the job defintely fits the bill. The loud, nasal voice in which he delivers his lessons about the job’s responsibilities and critiques my performance is extremely grating. During the morning today, he was loud but somewhat spacy. For some reason, there were several cases today where he prefered not to assist me with coaching through the company’s Jaber chat system as he listened to me talking on another line with a caller. Instead, he talked in a voice that was almost completely inaudble over the Web-Ex system–because of my connection on another line with a caller, his connection with me was made nearly inaudbile. I had to strain to catch even a partial understanding as he muttered what I was doing wrong while I tried to talk to the caller on the other line. He has a chronic inability to be succinct and clear in his statements. During at least two points in the morning, he became openly abrasive with me. He is a curious young man: effusive and friendly but also capable of reverting to an arrogance and bossiness as a trainer. He has told me recently that I’ve done well on some calls while also showing flaws on others, including a stiffness of speech and allowing a caller in one instance “to guide the call.” I hate him.
My step-mother afflicted me with a phone call after work. She and my father were returning by car after dropping her sister and brother in law at the airport for a return trip home to Wisconisn. She was driving the car and was in a neurotic frenzy, bellowing at my dad in one instance and giving me a rambling lecture, including the wisdom that the Cherios she recently brought for me were useful as snacks. My dad’s bout with Valley Fever in their midst of moving into their new house has messed with her mind. As my dad said not that long ago, when she loses her sense of order and control over her environment, “she’s no fun.” Before the visit of of her sister and brother in-law began a week and a half ago, she was obsessed with her dislike of their new house. She had suddenly discovered that it was “too big,” had an atrocious interior paint job and was much too big for my dad to help maintain as he recovers his strength from Valley Fever. She is forever making big decisions and then going into hysterics in regret about them. She went into a mental funk after she melodramatically quit her job as a computer programmer in April 2018 because she felt her employer didn’t properly appreciate her. She went into a frantic unsuccessful exploration of possibilities to void a deal she made last year to sell their previous house because she thought she got short-changed on the price. Now she has loudly announced that she dosen’t like their new house after she approved the purchase of it and moved into it.