Still at the end of My Rope

Last Monday was dreadful. I was stupefied by questions from callers and sometimes berated by my trainer.

That night my pompous, domineering step-mother ordered that I must continue at the job for the time being. She said that I should continue to badger my job coach to provide the assistance she has so far not provided and that she (my step-mom) would contact my case worker at the state Department of Vocational Rehabilitation (DVR) the following day. She even proposed that she (my step-mother) call my boss and see if some arrangement could be made to keep me out of the queue for calls involving the company’s expense report software. This was a horrible idea and thankfully she discarded it. I had earlier that day submitted an application to an warehouse. I was accepted to this job. My step-mother brusquely shot down the idea that I take the job because I’ve had two previous stints at a different Amazon warehouse, including one where I was fired for inadequate productivity. It is highly possible that were I to accept that Amazon job, it would not only be temporary (i.e. without benefits) but present challenges to my weak manual dexterity skills. Or perhaps not. The online test I took during the application process involved stowing, one of the occupations at Amazon warehouses which I’ve never tried before. But my step-mother decreed that this job was not for me. So that settles it apparently. I quickly shut down in the face of her brusqueness. Like always, I was unable to stand up to her. I hate that woman more than anything on this earth.

At the end of the workday on Tuesday i received what I initially considered marvelous news. My step-mother had made contact with my DVR case manager. The latter said she would be able to engage in some sort of maneuver which would get past the barrier of my employer’s claim that my 2012 Asperger’s diagnosis was too old. By some sort of decree she could make my diagnosis current. Thus submission of Americans with Disability Act forms to ensure my protection on the job could begin. My job coach, stirred to action, promised to produce all sort of flow charts and other documents based on my training materials that would help me on the job. On Wednesday my case worker launched an e-mail to the company official in charge of disability and asked to know why the company was unable to grant my job coach the right to assist me on the job. As of Friday afternoon, this official had not replied to the e-mail. My job coach promised to produce highly impressive documents based on some of my job’s training materials by Friday but she had not done so by the end of that day.

On Thursday, during our team huddle, my boss informed me or seemed to state words to the effect that, when I found myself working alone the following week without my asshole trainer, I would be able to request a reduced feed of calls from company employees with questions about the company expense report software if I found it too troubling.

Friday morning was particularly dreadful. I made numerous mistakes with callers and my trainer berated me. The last caller hung up on me and I then impulsively messaged my boss requesting that the calls fed to me relating to the company expense program be reduced as I thought she’d offered the day before.

She immediately called for a Web-ex meeting with myself and our team-lead. Here she explained that she hadn’t meant what I thought she said. For training purposes, I’d been placed above my co-workers in terms of the priority which the phone software sent calls to me, particularly those related to the company expense software. Now, next week, when I would be by myself and without my trainer, I would merely be placed on an equal footing with my co-workers in terms of the level of calls I’d receive about any subject.

She told me with a good natured chuckle that I needed me to calm down. She said I’d have a great many more “bad calls” because I was still learning. To find the right information to help callers, I needed to practice putting callers on hold, asking my co-workers questions and using my notes and the training materials they’d made available. She said “I can’t keep trying to placate you.”

On Friday afternoon, by myself without my asshole trainer, I received two calls at the very end of the day from company vendors who claimed the delays in receiving their payment were intolerable. I succumbed to their badgering and took a phone number and e-mail address from one and an e-mail address from another. In communicating with third party vendors, I’m not supposed to agree to take phone numbers but e-mails are acceptable. I also gave one of the vendors my boss’s first name. I’m not sure if I’m supposed to do that. In these cases I believe company policy is that I should have resisted the callers much more extensively before I agreed to take down their information and have somebody contact them. However, I’m simply incapable of engaging in such manipulation. I didn’t have time on Friday to forward the vendors’ information to my boss. I didn’t manage to get the first names of either of the callers. Perhaps I will be chastised for all this tomorrow.

My hopes of receiving disability protections on this job that appeared so bright last Tuesday have appeared to come to naught. There is really no logical reason why I should be granted “reasonable accommodations” under the Americans with Disabilities Act (ADA) at this job. How can I be granted the accommodation of receiving minimal work in answering calls and lowering my level of activity to reduce my stress when the entire job revolves around phone communication and a high level of activity?

My only consolation is that I’m no longer to be guided by the trainer and will be able to work alone. Perhaps the removal of the stress of this asshole overseeing me and biting my head off will allow me to perform better.

Published by freedautist819

I'm an over-educated, underemployed Autistic (Asperger's Syndrome) trying to find my way in the neurotypical world. I'm using this blog as a sort of diary documenting my struggles. I don't pretend to believe that every interpretation I make about the world is correct or that my reaction to every stimuli is the one which a perfectly rational individual would make. I do however believe that I'm fairly intelligent in many ways; I also believe that the perspective of autistic people too often gets buried in the discussion about our experience. As I'm on the autism spectrum, perhaps I can provide insights as I share my struggle. To donate:

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